Today makes year 4 since my sister Amanda (the OG Dr. Wise Money) committed suicide.

Today I’ve made my bed, put away laundry, organized my spare closet, and taken a bath.

Later I’m going to paint my nails for the first time since at least March, maybe last year. And I’m going to sip on rare whiskeys we’ve been gifted in the past. These bottles have sat unopened year after year because I keep waiting for the truly worthy occasion when opening them wouldn’t feel like “waste.”

That’s how I am. Cautious, inward, slow-moving. To me Amanda always seemed like she was rushing everywhere, bursting at the seams, explosive. Her conversation, her laugh, her temper– I mostly found her excited and exhausting. I’ve despaired over the seemingly irreconcilable gap between our spaces and our paces. But now there’s nothing left but to make peace with the void where she had been.

And life can only be as good as you’re willing to make it– so nails and whiskey it is! In honor of my sister who was always a brighter, more vibrant character, I’m living today a little more bold, a little more colorful– a little more in her spirit.

4 Years.
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