How to Survive

Drink water

Unclench your jaw

Take a deep breath

Take several

Be unoriginal

Reach out to someone you need

Check in on someone who may need you

Go to sleep

Get up

Keep drinking water

Keep breathing

What Remains

The alcohol prep pad on the floor
(that I picked up then and
which has traveled back home with me)
The box of wound dressing blocking the middle of the TV screen
The throw pillow cover, empty the pillow
on the stained loveseat

The package of cotton balls separated
from the half eaten bag of marshmallows
by a haphazardly placed delivery box


A stack of folded men’s PJs
with its singular neatness
and missing box that would be labeled ‘donations’

Sitting instead on a car seat

just inside the front door
when the kids are 6 and 10
The hopscotch rug
under foot

The empty planter out front
accompanied by the one full with weeds

The picture of absence
is painted by what remains


The hopscotch rug
under foot

The empty planter out front
accompanied by the one full with weeds

The picture of absence
is painted by what remains

On A Young Early-Bloomer as I Had Been

I’ve seen her a handful
of times
before
Today
Her outfit intentional
(a little risque?)
(am I simply too long out of that age range)


But I remember the feeling
Her back straightened
as she passes someone certain
schoolmates maybe
Her friend
whose hands flew to cover
much of her own face
beneath the glasses


Just a few steps past
the near encounter
Now separated by a glass window
protected by the increasing distance
and wonder increasing in
the lingering exit
Right in front of
certain hopefully lingering glances


I must be too long out of this age range


I am sat wondering
Did the understanding and feeling of being desired
at a malleable age
wire my brain essentially?
Did feeling loved as a child?
Did feeling discarded?


What work does it take to undo and redo


Did feeling protected?
(which isnt the same as feeling safe)
Did feeling ignored?
(remarkably like the feeling
of being in danger, at times)


The X axis
notions of freedom & independence
(budding)
(too soon)
The Y axis
The ones who were first to give us space
(thus also, shape)


In the intervening years
I’ve remained my keeper
drifting into and away from
responsible stewardship


All of the undoing and redoing unceasing & essential

From “Katina” by Roald Dahl

Har not the hills that very morning turned and looked northward towards Tepelene where they had seen a thousand German aircraft gathered under the shadow of Olympus? Was it not true that the snow on the top of Dodona had melted away in a day, sending little rivers of water running down across our landing field? Had not Kataphidi buried his head in a cloud so that our pilots might be tempted to fly through the whiteness and crash against his rugged shoulders?

Because men were foolish and were made only so that they should die, while mountains and rivers went on for ever and did not notice the passage of time.