Dr. Wise Money

On A Young Early-Bloomer as I Had Been

I’ve seen her a handful
of times
before
Today
Her outfit intentional
(a little risque?)
(am I simply too long out of that age range)

But I remember the feeling
Her back straightened
as she passes someone certain
schoolmates maybe
Her friend
whose hands flew to cover
much of her own face
beneath the glasses

Just a few steps past
the near encounter
Now separated by a glass window
protected by the increasing distance
and wonder increasing in
the lingering exit
Right in front of
certain hopefully lingering glances

I must be too long out of this age range

I am sat wondering
Did the understanding and feeling of being desired
at a malleable age
wire my brain essentially?
Did feeling loved as a child?
Did feeling discarded?

What work does it take to undo and redo

Did feeling protected?
(which isnt the same as feeling safe)
Did feeling ignored?
(remarkably like the feeling
of being in danger, at times)

The X axis
notions of freedom & independence
(budding)
(too soon)
The Y axis
The ones who were first to give us space
(thus also, shape)

In the intervening years
I’ve remained my keeper
drifting into and away from
responsible stewardship

All of the undoing and redoing unceasing & essential

From “Katina” by Roald Dahl

Har not the hills that very morning turned and looked northward towards Tepelene where they had seen a thousand German aircraft gathered under the shadow of Olympus? Was it not true that the snow on the top of Dodona had melted away in a day, sending little rivers of water running down across our landing field? Had not Kataphidi buried his head in a cloud so that our pilots might be tempted to fly through the whiteness and crash against his rugged shoulders?

Because men were foolish and were made only so that they should die, while mountains and rivers went on for ever and did not notice the passage of time.

From “Everything Is Tuberculosis” by John Green

In 2000, the Ugandan physician Dr. Peter Mugyenyi gave a speech about the rich world’s refusal to expand access to drugs treating HIV/AIDS. Millions of people were dying each year of AIDS, even though safe and effective antiretroviral therapy could have saved most of their lives. “Where are the drugs? The drugs are where the disease is not,” Dr. Mugyenyi said. “And where is the disease? The disease is where the drugs are not.”

And so it is with TB. This year, thousands of doctors will attend to millions of TB patients, and just as my great-grandfather could not save his son, these physicians will be unable to save their patients, because the cure is where the disease is not, and the disease is where the cure is not.