I’ve seen her a handful
of times
before
Today
Her outfit intentional
(a little risque?)
(am I simply too long out of that age range)
But I remember the feeling
Her back straightened
as she passes someone certain
schoolmates maybe
Her friend
whose hands flew to cover
much of her own face
beneath the glasses
Just a few steps past
the near encounter
Now separated by a glass window
protected by the increasing distance
and wonder increasing in
the lingering exit
Right in front of
certain hopefully lingering glances
I must be too long out of this age range
I am sat wondering
Did the understanding and feeling of being desired
at a malleable age
wire my brain essentially?
Did feeling loved as a child?
Did feeling discarded?
What work does it take to undo and redo
Did feeling protected?
(which isnt the same as feeling safe)
Did feeling ignored?
(remarkably like the feeling
of being in danger, at times)
The X axis
notions of freedom & independence
(budding)
(too soon)
The Y axis
The ones who were first to give us space
(thus also, shape)
In the intervening years
I’ve remained my keeper
drifting into and away from
responsible stewardship
All of the undoing and redoing unceasing & essential
